Education is a part of your compensation package
Hi all. I’m an assistant at a new salon that has been open for 10 months. I’ve been with them from the beginning. I’m having a really hard time. I work 9-9.5 hour days four days a week for the owner who is always fully and double booked. No breaks. I open and close, clean, make drinks, act as receptionist, take inventory, schedule, do laundry, and do all of my assisting duties for the owner: setting them up, cleaning up after them, passing them foils, applying glosses, shampooing, blow drying, styling, etc. One day per week I take models, and some Saturdays I’ll take friends. I am the only assistant. Expectations are extremely high, everything must be done in an extremely particular way, and new rules are being made all the time. No matter how hard I try, the target is always moving.
I’m supposed to get my own chair after one year, but that hasn’t been guaranteed and I feel like that’s a moving target too. One day my boss says I’m ready, the next day they say im not. They are super inconsistent. They have started the process of looking for a new assistant, but none of the candidates are good enough for them.
I am so stressed out all the time, when I have time off I immediately get sick because my immune system is so shot.
I’m stuck feeling like I’ve put in all this time at this place, and I’m so close to getting my own chair, and once I do my situation will improve. But most days I feel like I can’t stand one more day and like I’m going to absolutely lose it. My boss has made vague statements that it would be “really fucked up” if I left for another salon, because they feel like they’ve invested a lot of time training and teaching me. I empathize with and appreciate that, but I also don’t think they fundamentally respect me.
Any words of wisdom? Please be kind. Should I stick it out or run?
A:
Real Talk :
Assistants are the backbone of so many salons, and they deserve real recognition. Not just a “thank you” here and there, but actual respect, boundaries, and fair compensation. They help you run more efficiently, take on more clients, generate more revenue, and in many cases, they’re also running your content game.
Let’s be crystal clear: an assistant isn’t a servant, they’re a future stylist. Assistants get paid an hourly wage, most of the time it is minimum wage, and the only reason new hairstylists are willing to work for that wage is to gain knowledge, to learn from an experienced stylist. The hands on Education days should be seen as part of their compensation package, not an owners investment. Getting hands on education does not mean they’re indebted to the owner or stylist.
If you treat your assistants with respect and value their hard work and create a supportive environment they will want to stay. If you treat them like they’re disposable or emotionally manipulate them with “after all I’ve done for you,” don’t be surprised when they burn out or leave.
But if you treat them like crap don’t actual value their hard work, respect them and if you try to play manipulation mind games with them by saying things like “ it would be really fucked up if you left after i’ve invested in you” you are only creating a toxic work environment and pushing them away.
And the fact that you’re doing 9–9.5 hour days with no breaks and no guaranteed future is not okay. It’s illegal not to give breaks. And saying things like “it would be really fucked up if you left” is not mentorship. It’s coercion.
You’re not crazy. You’re not dramatic. You’re burnt out, and your body is telling you what you need.
My advice you to :
Now, let’s zoom out and give the salon owner some grace —because the salon has only been open for 10 months. There is a chance here, the salon owner is very overwhelmed, the start of a business is so crucial and often times more than they bargained for, there could be stressors going on for the owner that you are not aware of and may not even realize how far they’re pushing you.
Here’s what I’d do:
Request a Dedicated Meeting
Ask for a sit-down conversation—not squeezed between clients. Say you’d like to talk about your development, your workload, and your future at the salon. Frame it as wanting clarity, not conflict.Express the Burnout + Legal Rights
Be honest: you’re burnt out, and you’re concerned for your health. Bring up the need for scheduled, uninterrupted 30-minute meal breaks (legally required). It’s not a luxury—it’s a necessity.Ask for a Written Growth Plan
Get specifics: What skills do you need to demonstrate? Can you agree on a timeline? Maybe it’s a checklist of cuts, color techniques, finishing styles—with model days acting as assessments. If there are still gaps, great—work on them. But if you meet the mark, it should be time to transition.Propose a Phased Transition
Suggest a hybrid plan: part-time assisting and part-time on the floor while the next assistant is onboarded. That way, the salon doesn’t lose support, and you get to build your clientele without taking a financial hit.Observe Their Response
If they meet you with openness—even if they’re a little frazzled—that’s a good sign. But if they get defensive, dismissive, or try to guilt-trip you? That tells you everything.
Final Thoughts:
There’s potential here—but there are also red flags. You’re right to feel overwhelmed, and you’re not wrong for wanting clarity and consistency. New salon owners are often figuring things out in real time—what systems work, what doesn’t, what boundaries they need—and as a result, rules and expectations can shift often. That’s a normal part of building a business.
But when you’re an assistant trying to prove yourself, that moving target can feel crushing. Like the finish line keeps getting pushed back just as you’re about to reach it. Especially because so many of us are wired to over-accommodate and take everything personally. So just know: this isn’t all on you. Some of the chaos is just part of the growing pains of a new business.
That said—how your boss communicates through that chaos really matters. If your conversation goes well and they’re receptive, there’s a chance to build something sustainable and even empowering. But if they’re defensive, dismissive, or try to guilt-trip you for voicing your needs? That’s not someone who is willing to learn and grow—that’s someone who’s controlling.
You are not “fucking them over” by protecting your health, growth, and boundaries. You’ve given a lot. You have every right to ask for what you need—or to walk away if you don’t get it. And there are other salons out there that will respect what you bring to the table.
Im rooting for you.
Disclaimer: The advice shared on Sometimes We Do Hair is based on personal experience and is intended for informational and peer support purposes only. It should not be considered legal, employment, mental health, or professional advice. We are not responsible for any outcomes, consequences, or actions taken as a result of following advice shared here—including but not limited to workplace conflict, disciplinary action, or termination. Please use your own judgment and consult a qualified professional when needed.